"He said to me,

      "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'

      "Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

This ought to be a good blog today.  It comes complete with a confession and an apology.

I want to apologize to a general group of people, and no one in particular, who I ever misjudged for having Fibromyalgia.  It seems that without even knowing it, I had this misconception that people with Fibromyalgia were a tiny bit lazy, and a tiny bit crazy all mixed together.  Please don't be offended by this if you have Fibro.  It seems that God does funny things to change our minds and our hearts when they are not in the right place.  

It might  have been the very same day that Mark left for Connecticut last winter, leaving me home to sell the house, finish 10 dance teams, and home school my youngest daughter who would be in a wheel chair for two solid months, that it dawned on me that my back was really hurting.  I had grown used to this pain, but needed some real relief now that my personal masseuse had moved out of town.  (Mark)

I got through all of the above chores, and added to it making the wedding dresses for my son and daughter in law, and actually getting us moved across the country when I decided I could not take this back, neck, shoulder and arm pain any longer.  I got myself to the Dr, and then after being given a big bottle of narcotics for pain, I got myself to the Chiropractor.  

Months of doing every single thing that the Dr's all advised, nothing was helping.  NOTHING.

Having been told two years ago that my body was hosting some type of an auto immune disease due to the dry eyes, dry mouth, etc, (sjogren's syndrome) I knew that I needed to get to a rheumatologist.  That is where I ended up, 5 doctor's later, the first week in December.  

I sat in the waiting room after a full exam and another round of X-rays.  I watched the patients with Rheumatoid Athritus, and prayed to God that my body would not turn out twisted and deformed.  I knew for sure that something was wrong with my back, but hoped it would show something that could easily be repaired and let me get back to enjoying life.  The Dr. then called me back into the exam room and asked me several more questions, the whole while with his hand on a brochure that he held upside down.  I could not read it.  He proceeded to tell me that while I did have a mild case of simple arthritis, that there was no real injury to my neck.  

I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout at him that I am a very hard working, very head strong lady who is NOT FAKING!!  How dare he accuse me of faking?  I said all of that, just much more quietly than I wanted to, and through the tears that were running down my cheeks.  

The Dr. turned over the brochure he was holding and began to explain to me that he did not think I was a big faker.  He told me I had a very classic, and very diagnosable case of Fibromyalgia.  I had passed each test with flying colors, oh joy! 

This was the very second that I discovered the wrong misconception of this disease that I had.  I know I am not alone in this wrong thinking either.  Many of you probably share my thoughts.  Check yourself for that.  It's not true.  

I came home and cried all day long.  I am not a cry baby, so don't underestimate that statement.  

On my facebook page, I made this simple statement:

"It seems the Dr. has a name for what I have been suffering through for quite some time. (Fibromyalgia)  I have always though I was a strong lady, and this feels very weak"

I could not even sit and wait for anyone to respond to my pain.  I walked away from the computer and took a nap.  A nap in the middle of the day for me is like a vegetarian giving in to the luring smell of bacon.  It makes me mad to be that weak.  

When I came back to my computer a few hours later, the verse that I started this blog with was sitting between many other loved one's wishes for cheer and good health.  It was the soothing, gentle word of God that reached my heart and made me realize that I had been relying on my own strength for much too long.